Marriages are made in heaven. Indeed! If you are lucky enough to identify your heavenly better-half here on earth then you’ve hit the jackpot of your life. If not, then you’re in for a serious trouble. I often wonder if marriages are made in heaven then why they fail. Are heavenly nuptial bonds so weak that they are not able to face the mundane realities of the earthy world? These questions intrigue me.
It is not easy to identify our heavenly partner amidst the billions of earthlings. So, what do we do? Should we just keep on trying to find our soul mate through the trial and error method or choose to lead a quiet life with the one we are thrown against with? Marriages and relationships are soon turning out to be comedy of errors where people get together only to realize it was not meant to be.
Now, the question is how we restore the sanctity of marriage without losing our sanity. We definitely cannot go to heaven to seek the address of our heavenly match nor do we have enough expertise to identify the same here on earth. Nevertheless, before taking any drastic step towards severing ‘not-so-happening marriage or relationship’ we can conduct a small ‘reality check test’ on ourselves. We might find our relationship challenges not as grave if we ask ourselves a few questions which will help us determine where the problem lies, how to heal it, and release it..
ü Are things really bad or actually true or are they just figments of our imagination?
ü Are any of our attitudes contributing negatively to this situation?
ü Are any of our beliefs contributing to this negative situation?
ü Are our attitudes or beliefs moving us away from the love and connection we want?
ü Have the steps we have taken been helpful in restoring the relationship or have they taken us further away?
ü Is there a better strategy which can help us restore the relationship?
Perhaps the greatest mistake all of us commit while solving the problems of life is that we all tend to identify the problems ‘out there’ instead of looking within us. The problem lies most of the times ‘inside us’. It is very important for us to ask ourselves ‘right questions’ and being open to answers which may or may not be in our favor. We need to be ‘honest with ourselves’ first. Any relationship demands honesty and if you are not honest with yourself then how can you be with the other person. We have to learn to ‘take personal responsibility’ rather than pointing fingers at the other person. We are the masters of our own lives. No one can make it or break it unless we allow them to do so. Therefore, if we create a mess of our lives it’s us who are to be blamed first because knowingly or unknowingly we called for the situation. The moment we stop taking responsibility for our own actions, we start creating barriers with our relationships.
Now, some of us may ask why should we ‘take responsibility’ for something which we did not do at all. Good question. Taking responsibility of your own actions, thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs in no way means blaming yourself. “Taking responsibility” means to be responsible for all that happens in our relationships--- the issues, the challenges, and the problems that are creating a rift. It also implies that you take charge of the mental blocks which have imbedded themselves in your beliefs, attitudes, actions, or strategies. Once, you do a ‘self-analysis’ you would be able to take the first positive, concrete, and confident step toward restoring your crumbling marriage or relationship.
Another key at restoring your relationship is to detach your negative emotions from your thoughts. If you are angry, hurt, or sad; your thoughts regarding your relationship are bound to be negative. Stop living in the “victim mode.” If you believe that ‘you are a victim’ then you will always create situations to remain so. People tend to be in the ‘victim mode’ as they feel it will help them in attracting sympathy and emotional comfort. They try to replenish their emotional requirements by playing the ‘victim.’ This may help you initially by making you feel better but it will definitely not release the pain and the past. The better approach would be to shift your focus from being in the “victim mode” to the “savior mode.” It’s time you be the warrior of your life. Take control of all your emotional paraphernalia and direct it positively in restoring your relationships. It will make you feel much happier and better for then you will at least say to yourself “I tried hard and well for it to work.” You will be amazed that even your family and friends would extend the kind of support you always wanted because unlike the physical laws of nature where ‘like poles repel’ the emotional laws work on the principle ‘ positivity attracts positivity.’
If at all despite all your efforts your marriage or relationship comes to an end you will be at peace with yourself that you tried everything you could without being mean. Always stick to the ‘savior mode’ because it will definitely help you to create the kind of future you visualized for yourself.
“In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced.” ~Robert Sexton