Human beings by nature are ‘social animals’ and any normal person with some conscience and sympathetic nature feels the pain and suffering of others. Sometimes, we get so carried away by the “situations and facts” presented to us that we want to help the aggrieved person. It is very important to do your homework before you finally decide to befriend such a person. Sometimes, your gut feeling will keep warning you about the integrity of such persons but then their “ fake holiness and goodness” will make you question your doubts. It no way means that every troubled person is fake or manipulative but unfortunately you may come in contact with a person who will be a professional emotional manipulator. Yes, professional is the word for them because they have mastered the art of emotionally fooling people. It is better to be safe than sorry or else you will not only burn your fingers but your entire self.
Some of the ways to identify emotional manipulators are as under:
1. Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior - it is always about what everyone else has "done to them". One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the "hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me" variety. Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable.
2. Emotional manipulators are fantastic guilt mongers: These people can make you feel guilty for speaking against them or for them. They will make you feel guilty for their wrong doings. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly. They usually get what they want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is not the only form of this but it is a potent one. Most of them are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce their feelings of guilt.
3. Sympathy: Another powerful emotion used by them is sympathy. An emotional manipulator is a great victim. They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn’t want or expect you to do anything! Try to make a point of not fighting other people’s battles, or doing their dirty work for them. A great line is "I have every confidence in your ability to work this out on your own" - check out the response and note the bullshit meter once again.
4. Smooth liars: Emotional manipulators are smooth liars. They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they’ll call it white - and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses. Over a period of time this is so insidious and eroding it can literally alter your sense of reality. If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what’s been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity --You are experiencing emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying and explaining things away.
5. Emotional manipulators are dirty fighters: They don’t deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They’ll tell you what they think you want to hear and then do a bunch of jerk off shit to undermine it.
6. They successfully change the emotional climate around them: When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry the very room thrums with it - it brings a deep instinctual response to find some way to equalize the emotional climate and the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better - fixing whatever is broken for them.
At some point, most of us come across such “emotional manipulators.” There is no point in being sarcastic or angry with them. All we can do for such people is to “feel sorry for them” and pray that they come out of their “mental sickness” soon. It is better to keep off from such company because if we stick with these types of losers for too long we will be so enmeshed and co-dependent that we will forget even we have our own lives. There is no point in trying to change such types of persons because all you will get in the end is some “dirty bullshit from them.” It is a waste of time and energy in trying to fix their lives. If dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver - it’s added to their hit list and you’ll be fed a steady diet of this shit.