Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Beware of Wolves in Sheep’s clothing…..

Human beings by nature are ‘social animals’ and any normal person with some conscience and sympathetic nature feels the pain and suffering of others. Sometimes, we get so carried away by the “situations and facts” presented to us that we want to help the aggrieved person.  It is very important to do your homework before you finally decide to befriend such a person. Sometimes, your gut feeling will keep warning you about the integrity of such persons but then their “ fake holiness and goodness” will make you question your doubts. It no way means that every troubled person is fake or manipulative but unfortunately you may come in contact with a person who will be a professional emotional manipulator. Yes, professional is the word for them because they have mastered the art of emotionally fooling people. It is better to be safe than sorry or else you will not only burn your fingers but your entire self.

Some of the ways to identify emotional manipulators are as under:

1.     Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior - it is always about what everyone else has "done to them". One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the "hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me" variety. Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable.

2.     Emotional manipulators are fantastic guilt mongers: These people can make you feel guilty for speaking against them or for them. They will make you feel guilty for their wrong doings. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly. They usually get what they want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is not the only form of this but it is a potent one. Most of them are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce their feelings of guilt.

3.     Sympathy: Another powerful emotion used by them is sympathy. An emotional manipulator is a great victim. They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn’t want or expect you to do anything! Try to make a point of not fighting other people’s battles, or doing their dirty work for them. A great line is "I have every confidence in your ability to work this out on your own" - check out the response and note the bullshit meter once again.

4.     Smooth liars: Emotional manipulators are smooth liars. They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they’ll call it white - and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses. Over a period of time this is so insidious and eroding it can literally alter your sense of reality. If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what’s been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity --You are experiencing emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying and explaining things away.

5.     Emotional manipulators are dirty fighters: They don’t deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They’ll tell you what they think you want to hear and then do a bunch of jerk off shit to undermine it.

6.     They successfully change the emotional climate around them: When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry the very room thrums with it - it brings a deep instinctual response to find some way to equalize the emotional climate and the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better - fixing whatever is broken for them.

At some point, most of us come across such “emotional manipulators.” There is no point in being sarcastic or angry with them. All we can do for such people is to “feel sorry for them” and pray that they come out of their “mental sickness” soon. It is better to keep off from such company because if we stick with these types of losers for too long we will be so enmeshed and co-dependent that we will forget even we have our own lives. There is no point in trying to change such types of persons because all you will get in the end is some “dirty bullshit from them.” It is a waste of time and energy in trying to fix their lives. If dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver - it’s added to their hit list and you’ll be fed a steady diet of this shit.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

9th December............

9th December..........

9th December....
Yes, it was the date
Chosen for me to be separated from Divinity,
To steadily grow, see, and believe
In the law, religion, and materiality.

I grew unhappy with all that surrounded me
Perplexed and depressed by the hypocrisies present
In varied forms of relationships and spirituality.
My physical body was exposed to pain, fear, and tears.
The endless toil to make a mark in this world
Resulted in remorseful tears.

I realized I was just existing but not living
With a fractured soul
And a tarnished heart
I looked up to the creator
And pleaded,
“I seek release, please help me restore”

Soon, I was filled with light
That pierced the darkness of my soul
It filled my body, heart, and mind
With highest reflections of  
The forgotten Divinity.

Now, I know
This 9th December
I will be free, blessed soul

As I can feel
The divine light, love, and inspiration
Cascading toward me.
To help me seek the lost soul
That lies embedded within me.

Yes, this December
My dream, to be simply free
Is going to be a reality
Because the healer and restorer of my soul
Promised me so!
From then on
I will not be simply existing
But living a soulful life
Enriched and blessed
By my creator’s beneficent grace!


Marriages are made in heaven but restored on Earth…….

Marriages are made in heaven. Indeed! If you are lucky enough to identify your heavenly better-half here on earth then you’ve hit the jackpot of your life. If not, then you’re in for a serious trouble. I often wonder if marriages are made in heaven then why they fail. Are heavenly nuptial bonds so weak that they are not able to face the mundane realities of the earthy world? These questions intrigue me.

It is not easy to identify our heavenly partner amidst the billions of earthlings. So, what do we do? Should we just keep on trying to find our soul mate through the trial and error method or choose to lead a quiet life with the one we are thrown against with? Marriages and relationships are soon turning out to be comedy of errors where people get together only to realize it was not meant to be.

Now, the question is how we restore the sanctity of marriage without losing our sanity. We definitely cannot go to heaven to seek the address of our heavenly match nor do we have enough expertise to identify the same here on earth. Nevertheless, before taking any drastic step towards severing ‘not-so-happening marriage or relationship’ we can conduct a small ‘reality check test’ on ourselves.  We might find our relationship challenges not as grave if we ask ourselves a few questions which will help us determine where the problem lies, how to heal it, and release it..

ü  Are things really bad or actually true or are they just figments of our imagination?

ü  Are any of our attitudes contributing negatively to this situation?

ü  Are any of our beliefs contributing to this negative situation?

ü  Are our attitudes or beliefs moving us away from the love and connection we want?

ü  Have the steps we have taken been helpful in restoring the relationship or have they taken us further away?

ü  Is there a better strategy which can help us restore the relationship?

Perhaps the greatest mistake all of us commit while solving the problems of life is that we all tend to identify the problems ‘out there’ instead of looking within us. The problem lies most of the times ‘inside us’.  It is very important for us to ask ourselves ‘right questions’ and being open to answers which may or may not be in our favor. We need to be ‘honest with ourselves’ first. Any relationship demands honesty and if you are not honest with yourself then how can you be with the other person.  We have to learn to ‘take personal responsibility’ rather than pointing fingers at the other person. We are the masters of our own lives. No one can make it or break it unless we allow them to do so.  Therefore, if we create a mess of our lives it’s us who are to be blamed first because knowingly or unknowingly we called for the situation. The moment we stop taking responsibility for our own actions, we start creating barriers with our relationships.

Now, some of us may ask why should we ‘take responsibility’ for something which we did not do at all. Good question. Taking responsibility of your own actions, thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs in no way means blaming yourself. “Taking responsibility” means to be responsible for all that happens in our relationships--- the issues, the challenges, and the problems that are creating a rift. It also implies that you take charge of the mental blocks which have imbedded themselves in your beliefs, attitudes, actions, or strategies. Once, you do a ‘self-analysis’ you would be able to take the first positive, concrete, and confident step toward restoring your crumbling marriage or relationship.

Another key at restoring your relationship is to detach your negative emotions from your thoughts. If you are angry, hurt, or sad; your thoughts regarding your relationship are bound to be negative. Stop living in the “victim mode.” If you believe that ‘you are a victim’ then you will always create situations to remain so. People tend to be in the ‘victim mode’ as they feel it will help them in attracting sympathy and emotional comfort. They try to replenish their emotional requirements by playing the ‘victim.’  This may help you initially by making you feel better but it will definitely not release the pain and the past. The better approach would be to shift your focus from being in the “victim mode” to the “savior mode.” It’s time you be the warrior of your life. Take control of all your emotional paraphernalia and direct it positively in restoring your relationships. It will make you feel much happier and better for then you will at least say to yourself “I tried hard and well for it to work.” You will be amazed that even your family and friends would extend the kind of support you always wanted because unlike the physical laws of nature where ‘like poles repel’ the emotional laws work on the principle ‘ positivity attracts positivity.’

If at all despite all your efforts your marriage or relationship comes to an end you will be at peace with yourself that you tried everything you could without being mean. Always stick to the ‘savior mode’ because it will definitely help you to create the kind of future you visualized for yourself.

“In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced.” ~Robert Sexton

Friday, November 25, 2011

Life Is A Butterfly.......


             This is dedicated to one of my friends who reminded me it was time to shed my cocoon.

Reminders do come from the Universe
And this time it is through a dear friend
Who stays miles across
But always comes as a sweet messenger
To remind that there is more to this world
That our bare eyes can meet.

Life appeared as the caterpillar
That was ready to believe that it was the end of the world
But then little did it know
That its creator had another plans
It was destined to be the butterfly
All set to shed its cocoon
And step into the beautiful garden of life.

After spending days in serious introspection
I have come to realize that
Life is all about caterpillars and butterflies,
When you think that life is the ugliest
There springs a moment which makes it look the prettiest.

Happiness fleets and so does a butterfly
The more you chase them both
Farther are they from your grasp
So, just stop this mad chase
And relax
For you will be surprised
That when you least expected it
The butterfly with its wings of happiness
May alight upon you!