Marriages are made in heaven but restored on Earth…….

Marriages are made in heaven. Indeed! If you are lucky enough to identify your heavenly better-half here on earth then you’ve hit the jackpot of your life. If not, then you’re in for a serious trouble. I often wonder if marriages are made in heaven then why they fail. Are heavenly nuptial bonds so weak that they are not able to face the mundane realities of the earthy world? These questions intrigue me.

It is not easy to identify our heavenly partner amidst the billions of earthlings. So, what do we do? Should we just keep on trying to find our soul mate through the trial and error method or choose to lead a quiet life with the one we are thrown against with? Marriages and relationships are soon turning out to be comedy of errors where people get together only to realize it was not meant to be.

Now, the question is how we restore the sanctity of marriage without losing our sanity. We definitely cannot go to heaven to seek the address of our heavenly match nor do we have enough expertise to identify the same here on earth. Nevertheless, before taking any drastic step towards severing ‘not-so-happening marriage or relationship’ we can conduct a small ‘reality check test’ on ourselves.  We might find our relationship challenges not as grave if we ask ourselves a few questions which will help us determine where the problem lies, how to heal it, and release it..

ü  Are things really bad or actually true or are they just figments of our imagination?

ü  Are any of our attitudes contributing negatively to this situation?

ü  Are any of our beliefs contributing to this negative situation?

ü  Are our attitudes or beliefs moving us away from the love and connection we want?

ü  Have the steps we have taken been helpful in restoring the relationship or have they taken us further away?

ü  Is there a better strategy which can help us restore the relationship?

Perhaps the greatest mistake all of us commit while solving the problems of life is that we all tend to identify the problems ‘out there’ instead of looking within us. The problem lies most of the times ‘inside us’.  It is very important for us to ask ourselves ‘right questions’ and being open to answers which may or may not be in our favor. We need to be ‘honest with ourselves’ first. Any relationship demands honesty and if you are not honest with yourself then how can you be with the other person.  We have to learn to ‘take personal responsibility’ rather than pointing fingers at the other person. We are the masters of our own lives. No one can make it or break it unless we allow them to do so.  Therefore, if we create a mess of our lives it’s us who are to be blamed first because knowingly or unknowingly we called for the situation. The moment we stop taking responsibility for our own actions, we start creating barriers with our relationships.

Now, some of us may ask why should we ‘take responsibility’ for something which we did not do at all. Good question. Taking responsibility of your own actions, thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs in no way means blaming yourself. “Taking responsibility” means to be responsible for all that happens in our relationships--- the issues, the challenges, and the problems that are creating a rift. It also implies that you take charge of the mental blocks which have imbedded themselves in your beliefs, attitudes, actions, or strategies. Once, you do a ‘self-analysis’ you would be able to take the first positive, concrete, and confident step toward restoring your crumbling marriage or relationship.

Another key at restoring your relationship is to detach your negative emotions from your thoughts. If you are angry, hurt, or sad; your thoughts regarding your relationship are bound to be negative. Stop living in the “victim mode.” If you believe that ‘you are a victim’ then you will always create situations to remain so. People tend to be in the ‘victim mode’ as they feel it will help them in attracting sympathy and emotional comfort. They try to replenish their emotional requirements by playing the ‘victim.’  This may help you initially by making you feel better but it will definitely not release the pain and the past. The better approach would be to shift your focus from being in the “victim mode” to the “savior mode.” It’s time you be the warrior of your life. Take control of all your emotional paraphernalia and direct it positively in restoring your relationships. It will make you feel much happier and better for then you will at least say to yourself “I tried hard and well for it to work.” You will be amazed that even your family and friends would extend the kind of support you always wanted because unlike the physical laws of nature where ‘like poles repel’ the emotional laws work on the principle ‘ positivity attracts positivity.’

If at all despite all your efforts your marriage or relationship comes to an end you will be at peace with yourself that you tried everything you could without being mean. Always stick to the ‘savior mode’ because it will definitely help you to create the kind of future you visualized for yourself.

“In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced.” ~Robert Sexton

                                                                    

                                                                     
                                                                                

Life Is A Butterfly.......

                                                                      

             This is dedicated to one of my friends who reminded me it was time to shed my cocoon.

Reminders do come from the Universe

And this time it is through a dear friend

Who stays miles across

But always comes as a sweet messenger

To remind that there is more to this world

That our bare eyes can meet.

Life appeared as the caterpillar

That was ready to believe that it was the end of the world

But then little did it know

That its creator had another plans

It was destined to be the butterfly

All set to shed its cocoon

And step into the beautiful garden of life.

After spending days in serious introspection

I have come to realize that

Life is all about caterpillars and butterflies,

When you think that life is the ugliest

There springs a moment which makes it look the prettiest.

Happiness fleets and so does a butterfly

The more you chase them both

Farther are they from your grasp

So, just stop this mad chase

And relax

For you will be surprised

That when you least expected it

The butterfly with its wings of happiness

May alight upon you!

                                                                         

The Secret of Healing………

Whenever we are hurt, depressed, or dejected we are told to heal. “Heal yourself” is the common parlance which one comes across often. For the past couple of years I’ve heard this phrase as frequently as ‘good morning’ or ‘how are you’. Initially, I used to get perplexed by the thoughtful suggestion of ‘healing myself’ given to me by friends. I used to wonder how I could heal without going to a psychiatrist. Was I being considered a probable case of mental ailment? No one would ever explain it to me how to go about it but they were sure to mention that I needed to heal myself. Whenever, I used to ask about how to do it the answer would again be “Just heal yourself”. It was indeed exasperating. I soon realized that this could be the case with so many other people like me. I thought it was time I did a small research of my own on this issue.

I referred to journals, internet, and books. The journals seemed too brief to give a satisfying answer to my quest. Most of them already presumed that the reader was aware of what ‘healing’ was. Internet was a distraction in itself and books were too demanding on my tight time schedule. In short, I was not prepared to take the help of either of these sources. Yet, I wanted to be ‘healed’. One of my friends suggested I played “Enigma” while driving to and fro from work. I started listening to it but it too turned out to be one of the melodious noises amidst the honking traffic. The music played and my mind kept thinking about how to heal myself. I decided to meet the psychiatrist. There were series of tests and consultations. On the last day of my consultation my psychiatrist said “You need to heal yourself.” I snapped back “…..then what was I doing all these days walking in and out of your office” He reiterated, “Heal yourself, if you want these sessions to show result.”

I drove home, went straight to my room, and looked straight into the mirror. I told myself “You better heal yourself now” but the image asked “How”…I said “Just heal.” I kept on repeating these words to myself consciously and subconsciously. Soon, I realized this was the only thing I was thinking. There was no room left for any other thought. I had soon forgotten about the antagonizing thoughts and feelings. My brain was fully occupied by the thought of “healing myself”. I asked myself “Hey is this healing”. I was on the verge of finding my own little truth on ‘‘healing myself”

I would like to share my ‘own little truth on healing’ here. I am not sure if it’s going to be of any help but it did help me come to terms with my anguishing circumstances.

1.       Energy always flows where attention goes. For instance, if we want to lose weight we channelize all our energy to work outs. Similarly, if we need to heal spiritually and emotionally we need to harness our energies to thoughts which promote the spiritual and emotional well-being.  Each one of us is bestowed with bodies which are custom made to our respective requirements so we call them ‘my body’. Our body always gives us signals and clues about the things which would heal it the best. We must learn to pick up those signals. For some people looking at the rising sun lifts their mood, others heal by listening to music, while some might just love walking barefoot on the dewy grass. These may appear insignificant but they do help in healing. We can call them as the tiny ‘building blocks’ of our emotional well-being. Believe me when I say that the energy invested in these building blocks is much better than the energy spent in driving to the psychiatrist’s office.

2.       Healing is ‘Forgiving and Forgetting’. We can never heal ourselves if we are constantly holding grudges against people, life, and situations. We tend to lose our calm on petty issues like being stuck in the traffic, being snapped at by a rude commuter, or by a small tiff at home. Before getting upset if we just pause and ask ourselves “Is it really worth being upset?” I’m sure the moment we ask ourselves this question we will soon be out of that room, situation, or mood. The likes, dislikes, grudges, and hatred form a vicious circle which soon eats into our emotional health. Healing is nothing but being able to ‘Forgive and Forget.’  

3.       Healing involves being ‘Grateful and Appreciative”. Happiness is always attributed to how successful a person is. Happiness has become synonymous with materialistic gains. If you are affluent you are happy. People have ceased to find or rather have forgotten to look for happiness in their day-to-day lives. A few kind words or just one thoughtful gesture in a day can do wonders to our emotional health.

4.       The key to healing is ‘self appreciation and self-love.’ If we fail to respect and love ourselves no one else would ever will. The first step to healing is falling in love with us. We must learn to appreciate, pamper, and reward ourselves. Our being alive should be a reason enough for celebration.

5.       Healing involves making a list of people and situations. Take a green marker. Mark in green the people and situations which make you feel happier, wanted, and loved. These are the positive people/situations in your life which would teach to be appreciative. They will always empower you with their goodness. Now, mark in red the people/situations that drain you completely. These are the gnawing factors of your life which need to be either completely erased or ignored in the chapter of your life. It is not feasible to get rid of the negative people always as they may be someone very close to us. The best way to heal under such circumstances is to be “GRATEFUL” to such negative people/situations. Yes, you’ve read it right! Be grateful to them because they taught you valuable lessons in life and made you ‘identify what you don’t want in your life’.

These are few things that I learnt about ‘healing’ via trial and error method. Life is nothing but hitting the right chord at the right moment. Virtues like forgiveness, gratitude, and appreciation should be generously incorporated in our lives. Healing happens when our energy is directed toward weaning our mindset from not-to-favorable situations and people at the right time. 

                                                                    

What would you choose? Being always right to make yourself happy or be wrong at times for the sake of someone else's happiness....

I’m sure most of us have found ourselves in situations which have put us into dilemma. Everyone wants to be right all the time and yet never be hurtful. This at times is not possible because being right involves a certain percentage of heartbreaks as well. We have come across people in our professional or personal lives who love to be ruthlessly right. For such people, it is only their point of view that matters. They refuse to acknowledge that others might be right as well. For them always being right is the key to their happiness. Any other proposition leaves them disoriented and unhappy.

We keep meeting men or women in our day-to-day lives who seem to be nice people. They have the most amazing personality, envious career graphs, and oodles of sophistication in them. But, if you have a closer look at their lives you would find that their personal and professional relationships are going haywire. Their employees or organizations always find some bone of contention. The crux of the problem is that these ‘nice ladies or gentlemen’ just cannot accept anyone else being right. If things go their way they are the most charming people but if you fail to adhere to their ‘sense of righteousness’ then you’re sure inviting trouble.

Now, let’s ask ourselves some questions.

Is it possible for us to allow someone else to be right sometimes even though it may make us unhappy?

Would we still prefer being right even though it’s costing us our relationships?

Do we always try to prove that the other person is wrong?

Are we able to appreciate people who do the jobs not according to our ways and yet be happy?

Do we always scream “This is our way, and we cannot even think of the other way?”

If answers to the above mentioned questions are “YES” then we definitely need help because we are inviting problems for life.  Life is not only about life and death, being successful or unsuccessful, or maintaining bank balances but it is also about how beautifully we maintain and grow in our relationships. If things don’t go our way we should learn to take them with a pinch of salt. Sometimes, handling disagreements also give us the same amount of pleasure if not more than always being ‘right’. Aggression and assertiveness are excellent attributes when used in moderation. Have you ever thought of having several vitamins at a time to make your body function perfectly instantly? No, that would spell disaster for your body. Similarly, an overdose of being always right can ruin relationships beyond repair.

We should all learn to sit back, chill, and enjoy being wrong at times. The happiness of seeing others doing their ‘bit of right’ can be as intoxicating if we just learn to get involved in their happiness.

The ball is in our court now. Do we want to remain happy alone or share our happiness with people who make our lives beautiful? Sometimes, being wrong for the right reasons keeps us happier than being right for all wrong reasons. Give it a thought my friends…

                                                                         

The Homecoming......

As the days, months, years pass by;

I find a deeper understanding in me grow

To rely on almighty’s wisdom

And let myself flow

In the river of love and light that is so pure.

As I sit today contemplating,

On the time I spent to know

The Me in Him and the Him in Me;

I realize it was a fruitful journey

Where I was the sailor

And HE was my navigator.

I took the leap of faith

Fearing I might have a bad fall

But He took me in his arms

And said,

“Welcome home my child.”

And now I wonder how I could have spent

So many days, months, and years

Away from my celestial home.

The Thoughtful U-Turn....of my thoughts.....................

 I am again at a loss of words,

Looking blankly at my notebook,

Thinking hard

For the thoughts that made me talk!

As I close my eyes to think,

I see an image flashing,

A fleet of thoughts racing

Away, away, and away

From me!

I am exasperated;

I close my eyes harder,

And run faster,

To catch up with my fleeing thoughts.

But

Alas! My friends,

I still find them

Moving away, away, and away,

From me!

Once again,

I close my eyes.

This time, I talk to my thoughts

And say,

“Oh! My thoughts

Please don’t run away from me.

Come back to me,

As you’re the only one,

I’ve now left with me!

The thoughts replied,

“Girl, we’re not forsaking you

But we need our space too.

We are on a vacation

On a short spree of rejuvenation,

We made you talk a lot

And now,

For a change we will talk

And you’ll be in our thoughts.

The thoughts continued,

‘Close your eyes not tightly but lightly,

Now,

Move away, away, and away

From us

But

Hear us as we talk

And remember all along

That you are now our thought.

Relax,

Let your soul hear us

Let your mental eyes see us

As we make merry rejuvenating

In the cosmic ocean

Rise from the physical plane

And join us.

Initially,

I was scared and confused

But then

I could hear my thoughts again,

“Come on join us,

It’s time you trust us,

Abandon your fears,

And float in the cosmic ocean,

As this is the ultimate bliss.

The thoughts continued,

“Our job is to guide you

To wait on you

To escort you to the next level of your journey!

And now,

Dear, it’s your turn

To move away, away, and away

From us!

As from now on

We will talk and you will be our thought!

The Irony of Common Dreams......

In the sunshine of my life

I found you at my side,

We shared many moments magical,

Ever happy, never cried.

Till came a time in our lives

When the Wind of Change blew fierce,

In the darkest winter blues you cast me off,

My heart abandoned, cruelly pierced.

We walked the road uphill,

Where we shared common dreams,

I left mine to make yours come true,

But you walked away without giving me a clue.

Soon you realized that your dreams belonged to you,

And you needed someone else to walk with you.

I was just a means to reach out to your dreams,

And now I am left alone wondering,

Were they at all our common dreams!

The Fairyland.....

This is a story of a little girl

With a granny who sang her a song

Of fairies in white gowns

Flying down to take her

To the magical world

Of shining wands.

She fluttered open her tiny wings

To dance and sing

With her fairy queens.

Time passed;

The little girl,

Now a young woman,

All set to create her own fairy land.

She donned her white gown,

To walk down the aisle of life,

Only to be greeted by elves,

With a crooked hat and a crooked smile.

She ran back to her granny

Now very old;

Looked at her,

With a pair of weak, shimmering eyes.

The young woman wept and cried

And said, “Granny I lost my fairies

And the fairyland,

Please tell me the way back to my lost paradise”

Granny gave a wide toothless grin

Before she replied,

“Dear, the fairies left the world,

As the men’s hearts turned cruel.

Now,

It’s your turn to recreate the lost paradise.

So,

Spread out your wings

And let the fairy in you fly

To create a land of wonder

Where dreams, visions, and hope

Sound the thunder.

And the day you welcome the showers of bliss,

I’m sure

Your fairies would be back

To bless your fairyland.”

The Unknown Voice......

The wind was playing with my hair

As I was staggering down the muddy lane,

Carelessly kicking the pebbles,

And watching the mud rise,

Suddenly, I heard a small voice asking me,

“Do you know me?

Have we met before?”

I stopped;

Silently,

The pebbles rolled to one corner;

The rising mud fleeted down,

To caress the lonely lane again.

But,

The wind still played with my hair,

And the small voice spoke again,

“Do we know each other?”

I was speechless as I looked around,

I could not see anyone far or near,

My breath was as silent as me,

But;

The wind still played with my hair,

And lo!

The small voice could be heard again.

It slowly whispered,

Hey, answer me!

I muttered, “Dear I don’t know you,

Nor can I see you,

But I can only hear you,

May I know who are you?”

There was stillness all around

But,

The wind still played with my hair

And the small voice could be heard again!

This time, the voice chuckled

I was dismayed.

It said, “I’ve known you all along

But you never tried to know me.”

I said,

“Dear that’s an unlikely proposition

As I’ve always cared for people I’ve known!”

The voice replied,

“You’re right sweetheart.

You’ve cared for people

You’ve cared for voices.

You’ve cared for everyone

But you’ve never cared for me!”

I replied,

“Ah! Common that can’t be true;

You say,

I’ve cared for everyone but you!”

The voice, was stern this time

And said, “Yes you heard it right

You cared for all but me!”

The voice continued,

“I was your all,

I was your dream

I was your being,

I was you and you were me,

Yes, I was your LIFE

But

You never cared for me!”

The wind still played with my hair,

As I continued walking down the muddy lane.

Now,

I kicked the pebbles harder;

Smiled at the rising mud,

And shouted loud and clear,

“Life, watch out for me!

Now it’s going to be

Just you and me!”