A note from a secular Indian.....

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” I start with a quote from the Bible as I am a secular citizen of not-so-secular India.

We are living in an era of pseudo-secularism. It is an established fact that anything which is spoken or done in context of Hinduism is labelled as anti-secular. Secularism in India has become synonymous with ridiculing and humiliating Hinduism. The more you insult Hinduism, the more secular you are!  If Hindus speak to protect (protect is a strong word when spoken in context to Hinduism) or praise Hinduism, it immediately becomes a topic of national debate. It is termed as horrendous and a threat to secularism. In short, Secularism has become a game of political correctness. If you are secular then enjoy Hindus being insulted. It is the misuse of political and constitutional rights if we dare speak anything in the interest of the Hindus or Hinduism.

We cannot blame the political leaders or members of other religious sects for the plight of Hinduism. The modern and the so-called intellectual Hindus of India take pride in downplaying their culture and religion. There should be definitely no debate regarding being ‘broad-minded” and tolerant toward other religions, but it under no circumstances implies that one should encourage disrespect to one’s own religion.

Hinduism is one of the oldest known religions. Idol worship by no means signifies GOD is present in the idol. It is a metaphorical representation of the omnipresence of the divine forces. The human mind is naive. It wanders. It is difficult for the common man who is engrossed in innumerable problems pertaining to his sustenance to focus on an abstract force or thought. Idol worship is mere conversion of abstractness into concreteness.  People understand tangibility better. Therefore, our intelligent, foresighted, intellectual, and the REAL gurus of ancient Bharata found a way to make the concept of the higher power a little easier for the common masses to grasp and understand. Tangible divinity was introduced to help understand the intangible divinity. An idol helps one to focus on the intangible power he or she wants to invoke. It helps to channelize the thoughts in a given direction. Once, a person masters the art of concentration the need for idol worship is lost. If we look at our ancient hermits especially the ones belonging to the Rigvedic times they did not need any kind of idol worship because they had mastered the art of concentration.

The movie P.K is enjoyable but at what cost? It is well known that immense courage is needed to make a joke of one self. It is again the magnanimity of the Hindus and Hinduism that it tolerates all the humiliation and yet stands tall. This is what we learn from Lord Krishna. He saw and understood all the naiveness happening around him. Yet, like a true yogi never lost his demeanour. Could the makers of the movie expect the same generosity from other Religious sects? We all know the answer.   

The Hindus who watched and enjoyed the movie do need a little introspection. Respect begets respect! Wake up my friends!

                                                     

                                                               

The Girl With A Twinkle In Her Eyes......

Somewhere in the world there was a little girl with such splendid understanding that she'd see the entire cosmos like a poem or story.  Whatever her name was, she was pretty. She had thick mane of black hair, a quick smile, and a pair of twinkling eyes. The world was hers to make new discoveries and lasting memories. Her father was her mentor who encouraged her dreams and assured her that someday she would be living out her fantasy.

However, as time went by the girl was gone, buried in the past. She knew she was a woman for better or worse who had to follow the beaten path. She was married. She could see her little world of fantasy falling apart,but she was no ordinary woman. She clung to her passion for writing. Her pen was her best friend and the words her pearls. None could understand her for they had not lived her dream. Some chided her, some scoffed at her, and some sighed at the effort they thought was futile.

She was not an ordinary woman. She was a genius who lived in her own world of tangency. It was difficult to understand her. She was a strong and a brave lady. She knew that the life she was leading could not get her where she wanted to be, yet she continued doing what was expected of her.  It takes a lot of selflessness and guts to give up on something one believes strongly in.

None could see her sacrifice or the silent pain she underwent. Several times, she was misunderstood and misquoted. It had to happen because none could match her genius to understand what she wanted or expected.Perhaps putting it across in the layman’s language was just not her cup of tea.  

As the years flew by the little girl withered into an old lady. Somewhere deep inside she still clung to her childhood fantasies. The little girl’s flying gait was reduced to mere trudge. The faint old eyes replaced the twinkling eyes.  Her shoulders stooped with the burden of decades. While everything changed; only one thing remained constant.It was her pen! It continued to be her best friend which still understood her completely.

Her story would have continued but one winter morning decided to dispel her from the darkness of this world.  It was a beautiful conclusion of a great passion. The girl with twinkling eyes bid adieu assuring that death was just the beginning of a second chance to fix all that mattered to her and her loved ones.  The noble, logical diagram once recorded never dies.  She taught us to aim high in hope and work  for she believed that there is light at the end of every tunnel.

Thoughts that make you talk....because mine do!: The Homecoming......

Thoughts that make you talk....because mine do!: The Homecoming......

                                               “I DEDICATE MYSELF TO HAPPINESS”

   

Today, after a long time I had a day off. The past few months had been really hectic. As I sat with a cup of coffee I started thinking slowly about the years gone by, the last year in particular. It was not a great year as I had lots of issues to confront both on the personal and the professional front. Every step which I thought was better than the last one proved me wrong. Amidst all the negativity happening all around me there were couple of things which I never let go off. They were hope and inner connection with my soul.

 I never stopped HOPING.  I kept telling myself that life had much better to offer and these setbacks were just to make me realize the importance of the good things awaiting me. I never let pessimism get better off me.

All of us are endowed with a vast well of wisdom. This source is embedded within the depths of our souls that connect to infinite intelligence and the capacity to heal all our wounds. This source always sends us messages but to listen to these messages we need to slow down, quiet our minds, and reach within. Once we attain the stillness of our physical being we can hear the soft ripples of our inner voice. We need to recognize these ripples and fine tune our minds to hear the inner voice clearly. Once, the connection is made there is no way to stop our inner voice from talking to us and guiding us. Whenever I tried to connect to my inner voice, it always said, “Let’s dedicate the next year to a year of happiness.” During that time I did not know what it meant nor did I have the faintest idea how this dedication would happen but I TRUSTED IT.  I smiled back to it and said, “Let’s do that! That’s a great idea.”

I promised to myself that this year come what may I would dedicate myself to HAPPINESS. I shall focus on only good things in my life---the best of them being my family. I will spend quality time with people who love and respect me for who I am. I will cut out all sorts of negativity from my life, be it in the form of things, people, news, or just clutter. I will create healthy habits, work on projects which are humane, and dream about creating a VIRTUOUS FUTURE for my family.

The deaths which occurred in my family last year taught me that LIFE IS SHORT. There is no point brooding over the past or spending time criticizing/gossiping about people who will in no way help me in creating the kind of future I see for myself. The only valuable and powerful possession we have with us is the present. The present gives us two choices ---- Create painful memories from the past or spend the time in visualizing and creating a beautiful tomorrow. The second option is definitely a winner.

The PRESENT is the only non-renewable resource in my life. I have come a long way since I was born. Till last year I was an adult who was struggling to make things perfect but after I promised myself “happiness” this year I suddenly feel like a kid again who is hiding in the cloak of a grown-up. I have rediscovered the little child in me who is curious, honest, and completely in love with life.

The Mission Bee-Hive

Nature always beckons me with its immense bounties. I have always been fascinated by the diversity of our planet in terms of both flora and fauna but little did I know that insects were soon developing an affinity for me. Some stray mosquitoes and flies have been my unwelcome guests at times but honey bees had definitely stayed away from me so far.

A couple of days back, I found a swarm of bees in one of my balconies. I rushed back in, closed the glass door, and silently watched the bees at work. To my utter surprise within minutes a hive almost a foot long was ready. I panicked and started thinking hard about ways of getting rid of them. I ran to my laptop, which is what I often do to look for solutions for problems I fail to tackle. I browsed several ‘do-it-yourself’ websites. The methods were elaborate and needed some experience and loads of courage which I lacked at that moment. I had heard stories about getting stung by bees, the intense pain, and allergy caused by them. The thought petrified me.

Then, I decided about hiring some professional help to get rid of the hive but was again disappointed because our locality does not offer any such services. It left me perplexed. While retiring to bed I made sure that the doors and windows were locked properly.

The following morning I was greeted by a looming hive and I jerked out of my sleepiness instantly. I was alarmed to see some of them inside the house as well. It was then I thought that I have to do something about them. In a fit of panic, I grabbed an insecticide bottle and sprayed it on the stray bees. The bees collapsed in couple of moments. The spray had worked!

 I just imagined what my dad would have done under the situation and decided to take the plunge. I found an old army raincoat which had not been used for some years in one of the suitcases. I took it out, dusted it, and kept it aside. Next, I took two monkey caps of thick wool which were enough to cover my entire face except my eyes. I wore shoes and was soon ready in my ‘shining armor’.  I grabbed the bottles of the spray and went to the balcony. I closed the glass doors behind me. My hands shook, heart palpitated as I looked up at the hive with the nozzle pointed towards it. I said a silent prayer which I always do when I am stuck in a deplorable situation. I said to the count of three the spray should be on the hive.

I said, “I am sorry bees but you have to go!” and pressed on the nozzle hard. I could see the bees flying all over the place. I began dodging them without losing my hold on the nozzle. The ones who came closer to me were the first to go. I was revolving at top speed. At that moment, I just started feeling that I was in a war fighting my opponents and the bottle in my hand was the machine gun. The battle between me and the bees was on for a good fifteen minutes. I emptied the bottles and rushed in for another one. Now, I had to be more focused and could not afford to miss any of my targets.

For the next round, I was more confident as I had the experience of fifteen minutes, two emptied bottles of pesticide, and large number of my dead preys showing that I was well on my way of being victorious. This time, I stood on a raised platform and started spraying. Within minutes the bees were gone and a lonely hive was hanging. I had won the battle!

The sight of the ‘lonely hive’ with the dead bees lying on the floor suddenly made me feel guilty. I felt a pang of guilt in my heart. There was complete silence in the balcony. An hour back the same place was full of activity and now the hive stood like an old wax hill hanging from the ceiling. I was already regretting and asked the bees to forgive me for my callousness. I had gone against nature. Today, one queen of the house had defeated another, the ‘the queen-bee.’

I removed the hive with a heavy heart. I had killed the homemakers along with their queen. I do not know what I did was wrong or right. It’s for you to decide my friends.

                                                                              

Hindu Wedding: The significance of the “Saat Pheres”

I have been to several weddings but never realized the importance or significance of these rituals. I used to just attend the ceremony, enjoy, and come home. My niece and I attended a wedding last week. She asked me questions related to the wedding rituals and to my dismay I was as ignorant about them as she was. I then realized that there may be many more like me who just blindly follow the traditions and customs without understanding their meaning or significance. Through this blog I want to share what I learnt about the most important ritual of the Hindu wedding, the “Saat Pheres or the Seven Rounds” taken by the couple during the wedding.

The Hindu weddings are mesmerizing. The wedding rituals find their roots in the Rig-Veda.  According to the Rig-Veda the life of a man is divided into four stages or “ashrams” that are : brahmacharaya, grihastya, vanaprastha, and sanyasa.  When an individual enters the second stage ‘grihastya’ he/she is supposed to get married and lead a family life. The Hindu wedding comprises mostly of Sanskrit Shlokas and innumerable rituals.  The wedding begins with the invocation of the ‘fire god” or “Agni.”

The integral part of the wedding is going around the ‘Sacred Fire’ seven times. The “Saptapadi” is one of the most important rituals without which the wedding is considered to be redundant. The couple encircles the “Sacred Fire” seven times with the bride leading in six of them. The “Seven Pheres” or the circles made by the couple are seven vows taken with the ‘Holy Fire’ as the witness. Fire is considered to be holy and pure because apart from spreading warmth and light, it is also capable of burning down the evil. The couples take a vow, “like this burning fire we would keep our relationship bright, warm, alive, and pure. The seven vows taken by the bride and the bridegroom are as follows:

1.      With the first step, the couple prays to the Gods to give them the mental, physical and spiritual strength to lead a healthy life. "Let us be happy and enjoy life. Let us walk together so we grow together in strength.”

2.      With the second step, the bride and groom invoke the gods for attainment of happiness and harmony by mutual love and trust in all walks of life. "Let us not forget parents and elders. Let us walk together so we get happiness by sharing our joys and sorrows.

3.      With the third step, the couple invokes the gods for plenty of pure and nourishing food. "With God as our guide, let us take the third step to live with honor and respect. Let us walk together so we get good food in plenty.

4.      The fourth step is for preserving wealth and prosperity in life. The chant at this stage means, "let us share joys and pains together. Let us walk together so we get wealth.”

5.      During the fifth round they pray for the welfare of all living beings in the Universe and pray for virtuous, noble and heroic children." Let us observe all acts of charity. Let us walk together so we have family.”

6.      While taking the sixth step they ask the gods to give them a long, joyous life and togetherness forever. "Let us live a long and peaceful life. Let us walk together so we have joy.”

7.      With the seventh, and last, step, the couple prays for understanding, companionship, loyalty and unity. "Let us be friends with love and sacrifice. Let us walk together so we have friendship.”

After the seventh step has been taken, the groom says to the bride, “We have taken the Seven Steps. You have become mine forever. Yes, we have become partners. I have become yours. Hereafter, I cannot live without you. Do not live without me. Let us share the joys. We are word and meaning, united. You are thought and I am sound. May the night be honey-sweet for us. May the morning be honey-sweet for us. May the earth be honey-sweet for us. May the heavens be honey-sweet for us. As the heavens are stable, as the earth is stable, as the mountains are stable, as the whole universe is stable, so may our union be permanently settled.”

With completion of the “Saptapadi” or the “Seven Pheres” the two are pronounced husband and wife.

                                                                             

Beware of Wolves in Sheep’s clothing…..

Human beings by nature are ‘social animals’ and any normal person with some conscience and sympathetic nature feels the pain and suffering of others. Sometimes, we get so carried away by the “situations and facts” presented to us that we want to help the aggrieved person.  It is very important to do your homework before you finally decide to befriend such a person. Sometimes, your gut feeling will keep warning you about the integrity of such persons but then their “ fake holiness and goodness” will make you question your doubts. It no way means that every troubled person is fake or manipulative but unfortunately you may come in contact with a person who will be a professional emotional manipulator. Yes, professional is the word for them because they have mastered the art of emotionally fooling people. It is better to be safe than sorry or else you will not only burn your fingers but your entire self.

Some of the ways to identify emotional manipulators are as under:

1.     Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior - it is always about what everyone else has "done to them". One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the "hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me" variety. Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable.

2.     Emotional manipulators are fantastic guilt mongers: These people can make you feel guilty for speaking against them or for them. They will make you feel guilty for their wrong doings. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly. They usually get what they want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is not the only form of this but it is a potent one. Most of them are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce their feelings of guilt.

3.     Sympathy: Another powerful emotion used by them is sympathy. An emotional manipulator is a great victim. They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn’t want or expect you to do anything! Try to make a point of not fighting other people’s battles, or doing their dirty work for them. A great line is "I have every confidence in your ability to work this out on your own" - check out the response and note the bullshit meter once again.

4.     Smooth liars: Emotional manipulators are smooth liars. They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they’ll call it white - and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses. Over a period of time this is so insidious and eroding it can literally alter your sense of reality. If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what’s been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity --You are experiencing emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying and explaining things away.

5.     Emotional manipulators are dirty fighters: They don’t deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They’ll tell you what they think you want to hear and then do a bunch of jerk off shit to undermine it.

6.     They successfully change the emotional climate around them: When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry the very room thrums with it - it brings a deep instinctual response to find some way to equalize the emotional climate and the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better - fixing whatever is broken for them.

At some point, most of us come across such “emotional manipulators.” There is no point in being sarcastic or angry with them. All we can do for such people is to “feel sorry for them” and pray that they come out of their “mental sickness” soon. It is better to keep off from such company because if we stick with these types of losers for too long we will be so enmeshed and co-dependent that we will forget even we have our own lives. There is no point in trying to change such types of persons because all you will get in the end is some “dirty bullshit from them.” It is a waste of time and energy in trying to fix their lives. If dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver - it’s added to their hit list and you’ll be fed a steady diet of this shit.

                                                                                 

9th December............

9th December..........

                                       
                                                                                   
                                                                                   

9^th December....

Yes, it was the date

Chosen for me to be separated from Divinity,

To steadily grow, see, and believe

In the law, religion, and materiality.

I grew unhappy with all that surrounded me

Perplexed and depressed by the hypocrisies present

In varied forms of relationships and spirituality.

My physical body was exposed to pain, fear, and tears.

The endless toil to make a mark in this world

Resulted in remorseful tears.

I realized I was just existing but not living

With a fractured soul

And a tarnished heart

I looked up to the creator

And pleaded,

“I seek release, please help me restore”

Soon, I was filled with light

That pierced the darkness of my soul

It filled my body, heart, and mind

With highest reflections of  

The forgotten Divinity.

Now, I know

This 9^th December

I will be free, blessed soul

As I can feel

The divine light, love, and inspiration

Cascading toward me.

To help me seek the lost soul

That lies embedded within me.

Yes, this December

My dream, to be simply free

Is going to be a reality

Because the healer and restorer of my soul

Promised me so!

From then on

I will not be simply existing

But living a soulful life

Enriched and blessed

By my creator’s beneficent grace!

                               

Marriages are made in heaven but restored on Earth…….

Marriages are made in heaven. Indeed! If you are lucky enough to identify your heavenly better-half here on earth then you’ve hit the jackpot of your life. If not, then you’re in for a serious trouble. I often wonder if marriages are made in heaven then why they fail. Are heavenly nuptial bonds so weak that they are not able to face the mundane realities of the earthy world? These questions intrigue me.

It is not easy to identify our heavenly partner amidst the billions of earthlings. So, what do we do? Should we just keep on trying to find our soul mate through the trial and error method or choose to lead a quiet life with the one we are thrown against with? Marriages and relationships are soon turning out to be comedy of errors where people get together only to realize it was not meant to be.

Now, the question is how we restore the sanctity of marriage without losing our sanity. We definitely cannot go to heaven to seek the address of our heavenly match nor do we have enough expertise to identify the same here on earth. Nevertheless, before taking any drastic step towards severing ‘not-so-happening marriage or relationship’ we can conduct a small ‘reality check test’ on ourselves.  We might find our relationship challenges not as grave if we ask ourselves a few questions which will help us determine where the problem lies, how to heal it, and release it..

ü  Are things really bad or actually true or are they just figments of our imagination?

ü  Are any of our attitudes contributing negatively to this situation?

ü  Are any of our beliefs contributing to this negative situation?

ü  Are our attitudes or beliefs moving us away from the love and connection we want?

ü  Have the steps we have taken been helpful in restoring the relationship or have they taken us further away?

ü  Is there a better strategy which can help us restore the relationship?

Perhaps the greatest mistake all of us commit while solving the problems of life is that we all tend to identify the problems ‘out there’ instead of looking within us. The problem lies most of the times ‘inside us’.  It is very important for us to ask ourselves ‘right questions’ and being open to answers which may or may not be in our favor. We need to be ‘honest with ourselves’ first. Any relationship demands honesty and if you are not honest with yourself then how can you be with the other person.  We have to learn to ‘take personal responsibility’ rather than pointing fingers at the other person. We are the masters of our own lives. No one can make it or break it unless we allow them to do so.  Therefore, if we create a mess of our lives it’s us who are to be blamed first because knowingly or unknowingly we called for the situation. The moment we stop taking responsibility for our own actions, we start creating barriers with our relationships.

Now, some of us may ask why should we ‘take responsibility’ for something which we did not do at all. Good question. Taking responsibility of your own actions, thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs in no way means blaming yourself. “Taking responsibility” means to be responsible for all that happens in our relationships--- the issues, the challenges, and the problems that are creating a rift. It also implies that you take charge of the mental blocks which have imbedded themselves in your beliefs, attitudes, actions, or strategies. Once, you do a ‘self-analysis’ you would be able to take the first positive, concrete, and confident step toward restoring your crumbling marriage or relationship.

Another key at restoring your relationship is to detach your negative emotions from your thoughts. If you are angry, hurt, or sad; your thoughts regarding your relationship are bound to be negative. Stop living in the “victim mode.” If you believe that ‘you are a victim’ then you will always create situations to remain so. People tend to be in the ‘victim mode’ as they feel it will help them in attracting sympathy and emotional comfort. They try to replenish their emotional requirements by playing the ‘victim.’  This may help you initially by making you feel better but it will definitely not release the pain and the past. The better approach would be to shift your focus from being in the “victim mode” to the “savior mode.” It’s time you be the warrior of your life. Take control of all your emotional paraphernalia and direct it positively in restoring your relationships. It will make you feel much happier and better for then you will at least say to yourself “I tried hard and well for it to work.” You will be amazed that even your family and friends would extend the kind of support you always wanted because unlike the physical laws of nature where ‘like poles repel’ the emotional laws work on the principle ‘ positivity attracts positivity.’

If at all despite all your efforts your marriage or relationship comes to an end you will be at peace with yourself that you tried everything you could without being mean. Always stick to the ‘savior mode’ because it will definitely help you to create the kind of future you visualized for yourself.

“In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced.” ~Robert Sexton

                                                                    

                                                                     
                                                                                

Life Is A Butterfly.......

                                                                      

             This is dedicated to one of my friends who reminded me it was time to shed my cocoon.

Reminders do come from the Universe

And this time it is through a dear friend

Who stays miles across

But always comes as a sweet messenger

To remind that there is more to this world

That our bare eyes can meet.

Life appeared as the caterpillar

That was ready to believe that it was the end of the world

But then little did it know

That its creator had another plans

It was destined to be the butterfly

All set to shed its cocoon

And step into the beautiful garden of life.

After spending days in serious introspection

I have come to realize that

Life is all about caterpillars and butterflies,

When you think that life is the ugliest

There springs a moment which makes it look the prettiest.

Happiness fleets and so does a butterfly

The more you chase them both

Farther are they from your grasp

So, just stop this mad chase

And relax

For you will be surprised

That when you least expected it

The butterfly with its wings of happiness

May alight upon you!

                                                                         

The Secret of Healing………

Whenever we are hurt, depressed, or dejected we are told to heal. “Heal yourself” is the common parlance which one comes across often. For the past couple of years I’ve heard this phrase as frequently as ‘good morning’ or ‘how are you’. Initially, I used to get perplexed by the thoughtful suggestion of ‘healing myself’ given to me by friends. I used to wonder how I could heal without going to a psychiatrist. Was I being considered a probable case of mental ailment? No one would ever explain it to me how to go about it but they were sure to mention that I needed to heal myself. Whenever, I used to ask about how to do it the answer would again be “Just heal yourself”. It was indeed exasperating. I soon realized that this could be the case with so many other people like me. I thought it was time I did a small research of my own on this issue.

I referred to journals, internet, and books. The journals seemed too brief to give a satisfying answer to my quest. Most of them already presumed that the reader was aware of what ‘healing’ was. Internet was a distraction in itself and books were too demanding on my tight time schedule. In short, I was not prepared to take the help of either of these sources. Yet, I wanted to be ‘healed’. One of my friends suggested I played “Enigma” while driving to and fro from work. I started listening to it but it too turned out to be one of the melodious noises amidst the honking traffic. The music played and my mind kept thinking about how to heal myself. I decided to meet the psychiatrist. There were series of tests and consultations. On the last day of my consultation my psychiatrist said “You need to heal yourself.” I snapped back “…..then what was I doing all these days walking in and out of your office” He reiterated, “Heal yourself, if you want these sessions to show result.”

I drove home, went straight to my room, and looked straight into the mirror. I told myself “You better heal yourself now” but the image asked “How”…I said “Just heal.” I kept on repeating these words to myself consciously and subconsciously. Soon, I realized this was the only thing I was thinking. There was no room left for any other thought. I had soon forgotten about the antagonizing thoughts and feelings. My brain was fully occupied by the thought of “healing myself”. I asked myself “Hey is this healing”. I was on the verge of finding my own little truth on ‘‘healing myself”

I would like to share my ‘own little truth on healing’ here. I am not sure if it’s going to be of any help but it did help me come to terms with my anguishing circumstances.

1.       Energy always flows where attention goes. For instance, if we want to lose weight we channelize all our energy to work outs. Similarly, if we need to heal spiritually and emotionally we need to harness our energies to thoughts which promote the spiritual and emotional well-being.  Each one of us is bestowed with bodies which are custom made to our respective requirements so we call them ‘my body’. Our body always gives us signals and clues about the things which would heal it the best. We must learn to pick up those signals. For some people looking at the rising sun lifts their mood, others heal by listening to music, while some might just love walking barefoot on the dewy grass. These may appear insignificant but they do help in healing. We can call them as the tiny ‘building blocks’ of our emotional well-being. Believe me when I say that the energy invested in these building blocks is much better than the energy spent in driving to the psychiatrist’s office.

2.       Healing is ‘Forgiving and Forgetting’. We can never heal ourselves if we are constantly holding grudges against people, life, and situations. We tend to lose our calm on petty issues like being stuck in the traffic, being snapped at by a rude commuter, or by a small tiff at home. Before getting upset if we just pause and ask ourselves “Is it really worth being upset?” I’m sure the moment we ask ourselves this question we will soon be out of that room, situation, or mood. The likes, dislikes, grudges, and hatred form a vicious circle which soon eats into our emotional health. Healing is nothing but being able to ‘Forgive and Forget.’  

3.       Healing involves being ‘Grateful and Appreciative”. Happiness is always attributed to how successful a person is. Happiness has become synonymous with materialistic gains. If you are affluent you are happy. People have ceased to find or rather have forgotten to look for happiness in their day-to-day lives. A few kind words or just one thoughtful gesture in a day can do wonders to our emotional health.

4.       The key to healing is ‘self appreciation and self-love.’ If we fail to respect and love ourselves no one else would ever will. The first step to healing is falling in love with us. We must learn to appreciate, pamper, and reward ourselves. Our being alive should be a reason enough for celebration.

5.       Healing involves making a list of people and situations. Take a green marker. Mark in green the people and situations which make you feel happier, wanted, and loved. These are the positive people/situations in your life which would teach to be appreciative. They will always empower you with their goodness. Now, mark in red the people/situations that drain you completely. These are the gnawing factors of your life which need to be either completely erased or ignored in the chapter of your life. It is not feasible to get rid of the negative people always as they may be someone very close to us. The best way to heal under such circumstances is to be “GRATEFUL” to such negative people/situations. Yes, you’ve read it right! Be grateful to them because they taught you valuable lessons in life and made you ‘identify what you don’t want in your life’.

These are few things that I learnt about ‘healing’ via trial and error method. Life is nothing but hitting the right chord at the right moment. Virtues like forgiveness, gratitude, and appreciation should be generously incorporated in our lives. Healing happens when our energy is directed toward weaning our mindset from not-to-favorable situations and people at the right time. 

                                                                    

What would you choose? Being always right to make yourself happy or be wrong at times for the sake of someone else's happiness....

I’m sure most of us have found ourselves in situations which have put us into dilemma. Everyone wants to be right all the time and yet never be hurtful. This at times is not possible because being right involves a certain percentage of heartbreaks as well. We have come across people in our professional or personal lives who love to be ruthlessly right. For such people, it is only their point of view that matters. They refuse to acknowledge that others might be right as well. For them always being right is the key to their happiness. Any other proposition leaves them disoriented and unhappy.

We keep meeting men or women in our day-to-day lives who seem to be nice people. They have the most amazing personality, envious career graphs, and oodles of sophistication in them. But, if you have a closer look at their lives you would find that their personal and professional relationships are going haywire. Their employees or organizations always find some bone of contention. The crux of the problem is that these ‘nice ladies or gentlemen’ just cannot accept anyone else being right. If things go their way they are the most charming people but if you fail to adhere to their ‘sense of righteousness’ then you’re sure inviting trouble.

Now, let’s ask ourselves some questions.

Is it possible for us to allow someone else to be right sometimes even though it may make us unhappy?

Would we still prefer being right even though it’s costing us our relationships?

Do we always try to prove that the other person is wrong?

Are we able to appreciate people who do the jobs not according to our ways and yet be happy?

Do we always scream “This is our way, and we cannot even think of the other way?”

If answers to the above mentioned questions are “YES” then we definitely need help because we are inviting problems for life.  Life is not only about life and death, being successful or unsuccessful, or maintaining bank balances but it is also about how beautifully we maintain and grow in our relationships. If things don’t go our way we should learn to take them with a pinch of salt. Sometimes, handling disagreements also give us the same amount of pleasure if not more than always being ‘right’. Aggression and assertiveness are excellent attributes when used in moderation. Have you ever thought of having several vitamins at a time to make your body function perfectly instantly? No, that would spell disaster for your body. Similarly, an overdose of being always right can ruin relationships beyond repair.

We should all learn to sit back, chill, and enjoy being wrong at times. The happiness of seeing others doing their ‘bit of right’ can be as intoxicating if we just learn to get involved in their happiness.

The ball is in our court now. Do we want to remain happy alone or share our happiness with people who make our lives beautiful? Sometimes, being wrong for the right reasons keeps us happier than being right for all wrong reasons. Give it a thought my friends…