Beware of Wolves in Sheep’s clothing…..

Human beings by nature are ‘social animals’ and any normal person with some conscience and sympathetic nature feels the pain and suffering of others. Sometimes, we get so carried away by the “situations and facts” presented to us that we want to help the aggrieved person.  It is very important to do your homework before you finally decide to befriend such a person. Sometimes, your gut feeling will keep warning you about the integrity of such persons but then their “ fake holiness and goodness” will make you question your doubts. It no way means that every troubled person is fake or manipulative but unfortunately you may come in contact with a person who will be a professional emotional manipulator. Yes, professional is the word for them because they have mastered the art of emotionally fooling people. It is better to be safe than sorry or else you will not only burn your fingers but your entire self.

Some of the ways to identify emotional manipulators are as under:

1.     Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior - it is always about what everyone else has "done to them". One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the "hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me" variety. Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable.

2.     Emotional manipulators are fantastic guilt mongers: These people can make you feel guilty for speaking against them or for them. They will make you feel guilty for their wrong doings. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly. They usually get what they want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is not the only form of this but it is a potent one. Most of them are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce their feelings of guilt.

3.     Sympathy: Another powerful emotion used by them is sympathy. An emotional manipulator is a great victim. They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn’t want or expect you to do anything! Try to make a point of not fighting other people’s battles, or doing their dirty work for them. A great line is "I have every confidence in your ability to work this out on your own" - check out the response and note the bullshit meter once again.

4.     Smooth liars: Emotional manipulators are smooth liars. They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they’ll call it white - and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses. Over a period of time this is so insidious and eroding it can literally alter your sense of reality. If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what’s been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity --You are experiencing emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying and explaining things away.

5.     Emotional manipulators are dirty fighters: They don’t deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They’ll tell you what they think you want to hear and then do a bunch of jerk off shit to undermine it.

6.     They successfully change the emotional climate around them: When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry the very room thrums with it - it brings a deep instinctual response to find some way to equalize the emotional climate and the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better - fixing whatever is broken for them.

At some point, most of us come across such “emotional manipulators.” There is no point in being sarcastic or angry with them. All we can do for such people is to “feel sorry for them” and pray that they come out of their “mental sickness” soon. It is better to keep off from such company because if we stick with these types of losers for too long we will be so enmeshed and co-dependent that we will forget even we have our own lives. There is no point in trying to change such types of persons because all you will get in the end is some “dirty bullshit from them.” It is a waste of time and energy in trying to fix their lives. If dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver - it’s added to their hit list and you’ll be fed a steady diet of this shit.

                                                                                 

9th December............

9th December..........

                                       
                                                                                   
                                                                                   

9^th December....

Yes, it was the date

Chosen for me to be separated from Divinity,

To steadily grow, see, and believe

In the law, religion, and materiality.

I grew unhappy with all that surrounded me

Perplexed and depressed by the hypocrisies present

In varied forms of relationships and spirituality.

My physical body was exposed to pain, fear, and tears.

The endless toil to make a mark in this world

Resulted in remorseful tears.

I realized I was just existing but not living

With a fractured soul

And a tarnished heart

I looked up to the creator

And pleaded,

“I seek release, please help me restore”

Soon, I was filled with light

That pierced the darkness of my soul

It filled my body, heart, and mind

With highest reflections of  

The forgotten Divinity.

Now, I know

This 9^th December

I will be free, blessed soul

As I can feel

The divine light, love, and inspiration

Cascading toward me.

To help me seek the lost soul

That lies embedded within me.

Yes, this December

My dream, to be simply free

Is going to be a reality

Because the healer and restorer of my soul

Promised me so!

From then on

I will not be simply existing

But living a soulful life

Enriched and blessed

By my creator’s beneficent grace!

                               

Marriages are made in heaven but restored on Earth…….

Marriages are made in heaven. Indeed! If you are lucky enough to identify your heavenly better-half here on earth then you’ve hit the jackpot of your life. If not, then you’re in for a serious trouble. I often wonder if marriages are made in heaven then why they fail. Are heavenly nuptial bonds so weak that they are not able to face the mundane realities of the earthy world? These questions intrigue me.

It is not easy to identify our heavenly partner amidst the billions of earthlings. So, what do we do? Should we just keep on trying to find our soul mate through the trial and error method or choose to lead a quiet life with the one we are thrown against with? Marriages and relationships are soon turning out to be comedy of errors where people get together only to realize it was not meant to be.

Now, the question is how we restore the sanctity of marriage without losing our sanity. We definitely cannot go to heaven to seek the address of our heavenly match nor do we have enough expertise to identify the same here on earth. Nevertheless, before taking any drastic step towards severing ‘not-so-happening marriage or relationship’ we can conduct a small ‘reality check test’ on ourselves.  We might find our relationship challenges not as grave if we ask ourselves a few questions which will help us determine where the problem lies, how to heal it, and release it..

ü  Are things really bad or actually true or are they just figments of our imagination?

ü  Are any of our attitudes contributing negatively to this situation?

ü  Are any of our beliefs contributing to this negative situation?

ü  Are our attitudes or beliefs moving us away from the love and connection we want?

ü  Have the steps we have taken been helpful in restoring the relationship or have they taken us further away?

ü  Is there a better strategy which can help us restore the relationship?

Perhaps the greatest mistake all of us commit while solving the problems of life is that we all tend to identify the problems ‘out there’ instead of looking within us. The problem lies most of the times ‘inside us’.  It is very important for us to ask ourselves ‘right questions’ and being open to answers which may or may not be in our favor. We need to be ‘honest with ourselves’ first. Any relationship demands honesty and if you are not honest with yourself then how can you be with the other person.  We have to learn to ‘take personal responsibility’ rather than pointing fingers at the other person. We are the masters of our own lives. No one can make it or break it unless we allow them to do so.  Therefore, if we create a mess of our lives it’s us who are to be blamed first because knowingly or unknowingly we called for the situation. The moment we stop taking responsibility for our own actions, we start creating barriers with our relationships.

Now, some of us may ask why should we ‘take responsibility’ for something which we did not do at all. Good question. Taking responsibility of your own actions, thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs in no way means blaming yourself. “Taking responsibility” means to be responsible for all that happens in our relationships--- the issues, the challenges, and the problems that are creating a rift. It also implies that you take charge of the mental blocks which have imbedded themselves in your beliefs, attitudes, actions, or strategies. Once, you do a ‘self-analysis’ you would be able to take the first positive, concrete, and confident step toward restoring your crumbling marriage or relationship.

Another key at restoring your relationship is to detach your negative emotions from your thoughts. If you are angry, hurt, or sad; your thoughts regarding your relationship are bound to be negative. Stop living in the “victim mode.” If you believe that ‘you are a victim’ then you will always create situations to remain so. People tend to be in the ‘victim mode’ as they feel it will help them in attracting sympathy and emotional comfort. They try to replenish their emotional requirements by playing the ‘victim.’  This may help you initially by making you feel better but it will definitely not release the pain and the past. The better approach would be to shift your focus from being in the “victim mode” to the “savior mode.” It’s time you be the warrior of your life. Take control of all your emotional paraphernalia and direct it positively in restoring your relationships. It will make you feel much happier and better for then you will at least say to yourself “I tried hard and well for it to work.” You will be amazed that even your family and friends would extend the kind of support you always wanted because unlike the physical laws of nature where ‘like poles repel’ the emotional laws work on the principle ‘ positivity attracts positivity.’

If at all despite all your efforts your marriage or relationship comes to an end you will be at peace with yourself that you tried everything you could without being mean. Always stick to the ‘savior mode’ because it will definitely help you to create the kind of future you visualized for yourself.

“In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced.” ~Robert Sexton

                                                                    

                                                                     
                                                                                

Life Is A Butterfly.......

                                                                      

             This is dedicated to one of my friends who reminded me it was time to shed my cocoon.

Reminders do come from the Universe

And this time it is through a dear friend

Who stays miles across

But always comes as a sweet messenger

To remind that there is more to this world

That our bare eyes can meet.

Life appeared as the caterpillar

That was ready to believe that it was the end of the world

But then little did it know

That its creator had another plans

It was destined to be the butterfly

All set to shed its cocoon

And step into the beautiful garden of life.

After spending days in serious introspection

I have come to realize that

Life is all about caterpillars and butterflies,

When you think that life is the ugliest

There springs a moment which makes it look the prettiest.

Happiness fleets and so does a butterfly

The more you chase them both

Farther are they from your grasp

So, just stop this mad chase

And relax

For you will be surprised

That when you least expected it

The butterfly with its wings of happiness

May alight upon you!

                                                                         

The Secret of Healing………

Whenever we are hurt, depressed, or dejected we are told to heal. “Heal yourself” is the common parlance which one comes across often. For the past couple of years I’ve heard this phrase as frequently as ‘good morning’ or ‘how are you’. Initially, I used to get perplexed by the thoughtful suggestion of ‘healing myself’ given to me by friends. I used to wonder how I could heal without going to a psychiatrist. Was I being considered a probable case of mental ailment? No one would ever explain it to me how to go about it but they were sure to mention that I needed to heal myself. Whenever, I used to ask about how to do it the answer would again be “Just heal yourself”. It was indeed exasperating. I soon realized that this could be the case with so many other people like me. I thought it was time I did a small research of my own on this issue.

I referred to journals, internet, and books. The journals seemed too brief to give a satisfying answer to my quest. Most of them already presumed that the reader was aware of what ‘healing’ was. Internet was a distraction in itself and books were too demanding on my tight time schedule. In short, I was not prepared to take the help of either of these sources. Yet, I wanted to be ‘healed’. One of my friends suggested I played “Enigma” while driving to and fro from work. I started listening to it but it too turned out to be one of the melodious noises amidst the honking traffic. The music played and my mind kept thinking about how to heal myself. I decided to meet the psychiatrist. There were series of tests and consultations. On the last day of my consultation my psychiatrist said “You need to heal yourself.” I snapped back “…..then what was I doing all these days walking in and out of your office” He reiterated, “Heal yourself, if you want these sessions to show result.”

I drove home, went straight to my room, and looked straight into the mirror. I told myself “You better heal yourself now” but the image asked “How”…I said “Just heal.” I kept on repeating these words to myself consciously and subconsciously. Soon, I realized this was the only thing I was thinking. There was no room left for any other thought. I had soon forgotten about the antagonizing thoughts and feelings. My brain was fully occupied by the thought of “healing myself”. I asked myself “Hey is this healing”. I was on the verge of finding my own little truth on ‘‘healing myself”

I would like to share my ‘own little truth on healing’ here. I am not sure if it’s going to be of any help but it did help me come to terms with my anguishing circumstances.

1.       Energy always flows where attention goes. For instance, if we want to lose weight we channelize all our energy to work outs. Similarly, if we need to heal spiritually and emotionally we need to harness our energies to thoughts which promote the spiritual and emotional well-being.  Each one of us is bestowed with bodies which are custom made to our respective requirements so we call them ‘my body’. Our body always gives us signals and clues about the things which would heal it the best. We must learn to pick up those signals. For some people looking at the rising sun lifts their mood, others heal by listening to music, while some might just love walking barefoot on the dewy grass. These may appear insignificant but they do help in healing. We can call them as the tiny ‘building blocks’ of our emotional well-being. Believe me when I say that the energy invested in these building blocks is much better than the energy spent in driving to the psychiatrist’s office.

2.       Healing is ‘Forgiving and Forgetting’. We can never heal ourselves if we are constantly holding grudges against people, life, and situations. We tend to lose our calm on petty issues like being stuck in the traffic, being snapped at by a rude commuter, or by a small tiff at home. Before getting upset if we just pause and ask ourselves “Is it really worth being upset?” I’m sure the moment we ask ourselves this question we will soon be out of that room, situation, or mood. The likes, dislikes, grudges, and hatred form a vicious circle which soon eats into our emotional health. Healing is nothing but being able to ‘Forgive and Forget.’  

3.       Healing involves being ‘Grateful and Appreciative”. Happiness is always attributed to how successful a person is. Happiness has become synonymous with materialistic gains. If you are affluent you are happy. People have ceased to find or rather have forgotten to look for happiness in their day-to-day lives. A few kind words or just one thoughtful gesture in a day can do wonders to our emotional health.

4.       The key to healing is ‘self appreciation and self-love.’ If we fail to respect and love ourselves no one else would ever will. The first step to healing is falling in love with us. We must learn to appreciate, pamper, and reward ourselves. Our being alive should be a reason enough for celebration.

5.       Healing involves making a list of people and situations. Take a green marker. Mark in green the people and situations which make you feel happier, wanted, and loved. These are the positive people/situations in your life which would teach to be appreciative. They will always empower you with their goodness. Now, mark in red the people/situations that drain you completely. These are the gnawing factors of your life which need to be either completely erased or ignored in the chapter of your life. It is not feasible to get rid of the negative people always as they may be someone very close to us. The best way to heal under such circumstances is to be “GRATEFUL” to such negative people/situations. Yes, you’ve read it right! Be grateful to them because they taught you valuable lessons in life and made you ‘identify what you don’t want in your life’.

These are few things that I learnt about ‘healing’ via trial and error method. Life is nothing but hitting the right chord at the right moment. Virtues like forgiveness, gratitude, and appreciation should be generously incorporated in our lives. Healing happens when our energy is directed toward weaning our mindset from not-to-favorable situations and people at the right time. 

                                                                    

What would you choose? Being always right to make yourself happy or be wrong at times for the sake of someone else's happiness....

I’m sure most of us have found ourselves in situations which have put us into dilemma. Everyone wants to be right all the time and yet never be hurtful. This at times is not possible because being right involves a certain percentage of heartbreaks as well. We have come across people in our professional or personal lives who love to be ruthlessly right. For such people, it is only their point of view that matters. They refuse to acknowledge that others might be right as well. For them always being right is the key to their happiness. Any other proposition leaves them disoriented and unhappy.

We keep meeting men or women in our day-to-day lives who seem to be nice people. They have the most amazing personality, envious career graphs, and oodles of sophistication in them. But, if you have a closer look at their lives you would find that their personal and professional relationships are going haywire. Their employees or organizations always find some bone of contention. The crux of the problem is that these ‘nice ladies or gentlemen’ just cannot accept anyone else being right. If things go their way they are the most charming people but if you fail to adhere to their ‘sense of righteousness’ then you’re sure inviting trouble.

Now, let’s ask ourselves some questions.

Is it possible for us to allow someone else to be right sometimes even though it may make us unhappy?

Would we still prefer being right even though it’s costing us our relationships?

Do we always try to prove that the other person is wrong?

Are we able to appreciate people who do the jobs not according to our ways and yet be happy?

Do we always scream “This is our way, and we cannot even think of the other way?”

If answers to the above mentioned questions are “YES” then we definitely need help because we are inviting problems for life.  Life is not only about life and death, being successful or unsuccessful, or maintaining bank balances but it is also about how beautifully we maintain and grow in our relationships. If things don’t go our way we should learn to take them with a pinch of salt. Sometimes, handling disagreements also give us the same amount of pleasure if not more than always being ‘right’. Aggression and assertiveness are excellent attributes when used in moderation. Have you ever thought of having several vitamins at a time to make your body function perfectly instantly? No, that would spell disaster for your body. Similarly, an overdose of being always right can ruin relationships beyond repair.

We should all learn to sit back, chill, and enjoy being wrong at times. The happiness of seeing others doing their ‘bit of right’ can be as intoxicating if we just learn to get involved in their happiness.

The ball is in our court now. Do we want to remain happy alone or share our happiness with people who make our lives beautiful? Sometimes, being wrong for the right reasons keeps us happier than being right for all wrong reasons. Give it a thought my friends…

                                                                         

The Homecoming......

As the days, months, years pass by;

I find a deeper understanding in me grow

To rely on almighty’s wisdom

And let myself flow

In the river of love and light that is so pure.

As I sit today contemplating,

On the time I spent to know

The Me in Him and the Him in Me;

I realize it was a fruitful journey

Where I was the sailor

And HE was my navigator.

I took the leap of faith

Fearing I might have a bad fall

But He took me in his arms

And said,

“Welcome home my child.”

And now I wonder how I could have spent

So many days, months, and years

Away from my celestial home.