Are You Stuck In Life: Use 5 Simple Tips

In everyone’s life there comes a time when we might feel stuck in life. We may feel engulfed in the chains of monotony that hold us hostage. Our ambitions and aspirations go for a toss.

Deep down we are aware of our problems and maybe of the solutions too. Yet, there is something that keeps holding us back. It does not allow us to free ourselves from the mundane situation. At this point, we yearn for a breakthrough or a change that could breathe a new life into our seemingly hopeless life. The entire process seems to be daunting and exhausting.

Slowly, a feeling of ambiguity and despair creeps into our personality. Now, this is a point where we have to decide whether we want to remain a victim of the circumstances or would we try to come out of our comfort zone and start all over again. It is easier said than done because our fears and apprehensions will pull us back from the very thought of moving forward. Remember, it's natural. 

Feeling stuck is just not a feeling of being helpless but it is also very depressing and time consuming. It thrives on our mental peace and gnaws at our day-to-day routine.

While feeling stuck, a person is unable to make any big or pertinent decision. They take more time than usual to make a careful assessment of their decisions and this is again arduous. We tend to get trapped in a whirlpool of reasons which convince us not to change our situation.  Here, we start looking for support in the form of some sign from the universe which assures us. 

We must have realized that while we are feeling stuck it is much easier not to make any big decisions. There is a tendency to avoid making any big or small changes to the situation. Decision making especially when we are feeling stuck in life is an uphill task. We fear not making it again. It also induces feelings of anger and depression.

No matter how terrible it is, staying stuck becomes more appealing than moving out of the situation. 

The 5 steps to follow when feeling stuck

1. Learn to be brave

Being courageous is not so easy.  It means that we have to do something that we are not comfortable with. We take the plunge and do it anyway. At times, being a little fearful works as it makes us more conscious and cautious  about the decisions we’re going to make. Remember we are like the toddler who is trying to take the first step. He is scared of falling but his determination to walk makes him overcome his fear.  Like the toddler we may stumble or fall but then rest assured we will also run.

2. Challenge your Beliefs

Over a period of time, we tend to have certain fixed notions or beliefs about certain aspects of our lives. These assumptions may or may not be viable. Write them down on a piece of paper. Introspection is the first step. Second, brainstorm some new ideas. The whole purpose behind this task is to find new methods to come out of the situation.  Going back to the old ideas would only make one feel more stuck in life.

3. Choose your inner circle

We must be having people around us who have the best intentions for us. They may be family or friends. Remember, they are our true confidants because they know us inside out.  Select the people you confide in very wisely because not all friends or relatives may be right for you, but some will definitely be. Sit down with them and discuss your strategy. They will be patient listeners and may give you some valuable input as well.

4. Have a foresight

It’s very important to have a vision in life.  Map it in your mind. Make your mind your vision board. We must learn to look beyond our apprehensions. Learn to ignore short-term anxieties and fears. Visualize yourself as one, two, or even five years later.

5. Imagine the worst case scenarios

List down the worst that can happen to you. At least, you get to know that nothing worse can happen beyond this point. Immediately, you tend to feel a bit relieved. Now, carefully assess each of the scenarios. Ask yourself how you are going to handle each of them. Can you find a solution for them?  The solution may not be very easy but the very fact that there is a solution makes you going. It instills an element of confidence. Now, break from the shackles of fear and anxiety and plan to walk out of the situation.

Use these strategies and help yourself to move forward.

                                                                         

Reminisce The Unforgettable

 I have never really thought about aging even though I am gradually moving toward my golden years with  the silver crown in the making. Today, as I was trying to cross a busy road  my children cautioned me to be careful. It suddenly occurred to me that it was not long before I was telling the same to them. For a moment, I felt I was in a time machine and I could see the three versions of me: the past, the present, and the future! Couple of decades back I was this young woman brimming with life and its nuances with a dream to look beyond the horizon. Today, “the now of me” is trying to figure out the " why” of my existence. The “future”comes with the expiration date…..let it unfold as it may…. “With mirth and laughter let the wrinkles come”

Hey! Wrinkles I beckon you to weave a story of love, friendship, and laughter. As wise say, “ Youth is a gift of nature, but age is a work of art”

I started this page to share my perspective on the “golden years” lived. Time is that one “quintessential tough guy” that creates a bouquet of memories and moments that never fail to bring back that glimmering smile.

It’s great to relive our golden experiences in the form of pictures, videos, songs, or anecdotes. It does help as a soothing balm to the heart, mind, and soul.

      

                                                                          

The Lifetime Worrier!

It goes without saying that being an adult is synonymous with worrying. It somehow makes us feel more “mature and in control.” The number of horizontal lines on the forehead display the “WQ” or the “worry quotient” . If you are fortunate enough then you may have some verticals as well adorning the third-eye landscape. A somber look on the face with a few fidgety gestures seem to have everything right in place to call one a “successful worrier”

The growth curve of my “worrying career” looks more remarkable as compared to my “professional” one, giving me exponential returns and bonuses in the form of anxiety attacks and tachycardia. Is being a perpetual worrier bad? That’s debatable! I have worried about my daughter not being home on time, a school project left unattended till the date of submission, or what to serve at a birthday party. On a daily basis, this looks normal. But, if I take into account the number of years invested in worrying about non-consequential things then the data does look alarming.

Let’s stop for a moment and think….how many years we have spent on worrying about absolute useless things. How many sleepless nights we spent fretting over issues which we don’t even remember now. Is it not strange that we cannot even recall most of the things we worried about so sincerely. Only a few incidents can be reckoned that may have made you feel really anxious, for example a death of a family member or losing a job. In short, what remains of unprecedented situations with us is that which has impacted us the most. Others have just vanished into thin air.

Now, as I am aging I feel I need to check my habit of worrying unless I want to welcome unwanted guests like hypertension and cardiac issues. I regret not utilizing that “worry time” achieving something worthwhile like writing, socializing, or traveling. Let me replace the word “regret” as it sounds like a milder version of worry. Refrain is the better word.

The girl with the twinkle in her eyes........

                                                                             

Somewhere in the world there was a little girl with such splendid understanding that she'd see the entire cosmos like a poem or story.  Whatever her name was, she was pretty. She had thick mane of black hair, a quick smile, and a pair of twinkling eyes. The world was hers to make new discoveries and lasting memories. Her father was her mentor who encouraged her dreams and assured her that someday she would be living out her fantasy.

However, as time went by the girl was gone, buried in the past. She knew she was a woman for better or worse who had to follow the beaten path. She was married. She could see her little world of fantasy falling apart,but she was no ordinary woman. She clung to her passion for writing. Her pen was her best friend and the words her pearls. None could understand her for they had not lived her dream. Some chided her, some scoffed at her, and some sighed at the effort they thought was futile.

She was not an ordinary woman. She was a genius who lived in her own world of tangency. It was difficult to understand her. She was a strong and a brave lady. She knew that the life she was leading could not get her where she wanted to be, yet she continued doing what was expected of her.  It takes a lot of selflessness and guts to give up on something one believes strongly in.

None could see her sacrifice or the silent pain she underwent. Several times, she was misunderstood and misquoted. It had to happen because none could match her genius to understand what she wanted or expected.Perhaps putting it across in the layman’s language was just not her cup of tea.  

As the years flew by the little girl withered into an old lady. Somewhere deep inside she still clung to her childhood fantasies. The little girl’s flying gait was reduced to mere trudge. The faint old eyes replaced the twinkling eyes. Her shoulders stooped with the burden of decades. While everything changed; only one thing remained constant.It was her pen! It continued to be her best friend which still understood her completely.

Her story would have continued but one winter morning decided to dispel her from the darkness of this world.  It was a beautiful conclusion of a great passion. The girl with twinkling eyes bid adieu assuring that death was just the beginning of a second chance to fix all that mattered to her and her loved ones.  The noble, logical diagram once recorded never dies.  She taught us to aim high in hope and work  for she believed that there is light at the end of every tunnel.

The Soul Beckons....

I loved, I cried

I wept, I sighed

The tears were tides

That became harbingers

Of the ocean of my life!

My life a lie

Soaring high

Amidst the fantasy

Of dreams

Now seemingly

High and dry!

Foul cries the soul

Assuming that I play a righteous role

But alas,

The soul could know

That I need to shed the mortality

To relive the life of a soul!

TIME AND I......

                                                                  

 

 

ONLY, IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME

TO RECREATE THE MOMENTS

WHICH WERE FILLED WITH LAUGHTER

LOVE AND HOPE;

 

ONLY, IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME

TO GET BACK THE INNER CHILD

WHICH IS NOW LOST IN DEEP SLUMBER

SCARED TO WAKE UP TO THE HARSHNESS OF LIFE;

 

ONLY, IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME

AND MAKE MYSLEF BELIEVE THAT

I WAS GOD’S SPECIAL CHILD

BESTOWED WITH VIRTUES

WHICH WERE SO PURE AND BEAUTIFUL;

 

OH! HOW I WISH I HAD THE POWER

TO RETRACE AND REWIND

BUT

TIME WAITS FOR NONE

IT FLEETS AND FLIES!

 

TIME!

YOU ARE A PROUD MASTER

AND I YOUR SLAVE

BUT DEAR,

HENCEFORTH, YOU WOULD JUST REMAIN A PROPOSITION

AS I RESOLVE TO REJOICE IN THE CELESTIAL LOVE

WHERE TIME SPELLS ETERNITY!

 

 

 

                                                                              

Memories

"Memories are the beautiful kaleidoscope of our lives, every time we look back they have different hues and different patterns but the essence remains the same....To live in hearts we leave behind is perhaps the most coveted dwelling….and the memories are the precious souvenirs that remain with us forever…a special literature which we carry within us always to flip through its pages when our heart tugs at some forgotten strings…" Sonal

"I treat life as an enigma so it never hits me hard. I let it unfold itself day by day and rejoice seeing the bounties it offers to me every day. Life is like a boxful of gifts; some you love, some you already have, and some you just want to give away…Every day I get up challenging life and ask her “Dear, what’s up next?” She smilingly reverts, “Surprises are lined up for the day…enjoy!!!!”---Sonal

A note from a secular Indian.....

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” I start with a quote from the Bible as I am a secular citizen of not-so-secular India.

We are living in an era of pseudo-secularism. It is an established fact that anything which is spoken or done in context of Hinduism is labelled as anti-secular. Secularism in India has become synonymous with ridiculing and humiliating Hinduism. The more you insult Hinduism, the more secular you are!  If Hindus speak to protect (protect is a strong word when spoken in context to Hinduism) or praise Hinduism, it immediately becomes a topic of national debate. It is termed as horrendous and a threat to secularism. In short, Secularism has become a game of political correctness. If you are secular then enjoy Hindus being insulted. It is the misuse of political and constitutional rights if we dare speak anything in the interest of the Hindus or Hinduism.

We cannot blame the political leaders or members of other religious sects for the plight of Hinduism. The modern and the so-called intellectual Hindus of India take pride in downplaying their culture and religion. There should be definitely no debate regarding being ‘broad-minded” and tolerant toward other religions, but it under no circumstances implies that one should encourage disrespect to one’s own religion.

Hinduism is one of the oldest known religions. Idol worship by no means signifies GOD is present in the idol. It is a metaphorical representation of the omnipresence of the divine forces. The human mind is naive. It wanders. It is difficult for the common man who is engrossed in innumerable problems pertaining to his sustenance to focus on an abstract force or thought. Idol worship is mere conversion of abstractness into concreteness.  People understand tangibility better. Therefore, our intelligent, foresighted, intellectual, and the REAL gurus of ancient Bharata found a way to make the concept of the higher power a little easier for the common masses to grasp and understand. Tangible divinity was introduced to help understand the intangible divinity. An idol helps one to focus on the intangible power he or she wants to invoke. It helps to channelize the thoughts in a given direction. Once, a person masters the art of concentration the need for idol worship is lost. If we look at our ancient hermits especially the ones belonging to the Rigvedic times they did not need any kind of idol worship because they had mastered the art of concentration.

The movie P.K is enjoyable but at what cost? It is well known that immense courage is needed to make a joke of one self. It is again the magnanimity of the Hindus and Hinduism that it tolerates all the humiliation and yet stands tall. This is what we learn from Lord Krishna. He saw and understood all the naiveness happening around him. Yet, like a true yogi never lost his demeanour. Could the makers of the movie expect the same generosity from other Religious sects? We all know the answer.   

The Hindus who watched and enjoyed the movie do need a little introspection. Respect begets respect! Wake up my friends!

                                                     

                                                               

The Girl With A Twinkle In Her Eyes......

Somewhere in the world there was a little girl with such splendid understanding that she'd see the entire cosmos like a poem or story.  Whatever her name was, she was pretty. She had thick mane of black hair, a quick smile, and a pair of twinkling eyes. The world was hers to make new discoveries and lasting memories. Her father was her mentor who encouraged her dreams and assured her that someday she would be living out her fantasy.

However, as time went by the girl was gone, buried in the past. She knew she was a woman for better or worse who had to follow the beaten path. She was married. She could see her little world of fantasy falling apart,but she was no ordinary woman. She clung to her passion for writing. Her pen was her best friend and the words her pearls. None could understand her for they had not lived her dream. Some chided her, some scoffed at her, and some sighed at the effort they thought was futile.

She was not an ordinary woman. She was a genius who lived in her own world of tangency. It was difficult to understand her. She was a strong and a brave lady. She knew that the life she was leading could not get her where she wanted to be, yet she continued doing what was expected of her.  It takes a lot of selflessness and guts to give up on something one believes strongly in.

None could see her sacrifice or the silent pain she underwent. Several times, she was misunderstood and misquoted. It had to happen because none could match her genius to understand what she wanted or expected.Perhaps putting it across in the layman’s language was just not her cup of tea.  

As the years flew by the little girl withered into an old lady. Somewhere deep inside she still clung to her childhood fantasies. The little girl’s flying gait was reduced to mere trudge. The faint old eyes replaced the twinkling eyes.  Her shoulders stooped with the burden of decades. While everything changed; only one thing remained constant.It was her pen! It continued to be her best friend which still understood her completely.

Her story would have continued but one winter morning decided to dispel her from the darkness of this world.  It was a beautiful conclusion of a great passion. The girl with twinkling eyes bid adieu assuring that death was just the beginning of a second chance to fix all that mattered to her and her loved ones.  The noble, logical diagram once recorded never dies.  She taught us to aim high in hope and work  for she believed that there is light at the end of every tunnel.

Thoughts that make you talk....because mine do!: The Homecoming......

Thoughts that make you talk....because mine do!: The Homecoming......

                                               “I DEDICATE MYSELF TO HAPPINESS”

   

Today, after a long time I had a day off. The past few months had been really hectic. As I sat with a cup of coffee I started thinking slowly about the years gone by, the last year in particular. It was not a great year as I had lots of issues to confront both on the personal and the professional front. Every step which I thought was better than the last one proved me wrong. Amidst all the negativity happening all around me there were couple of things which I never let go off. They were hope and inner connection with my soul.

 I never stopped HOPING.  I kept telling myself that life had much better to offer and these setbacks were just to make me realize the importance of the good things awaiting me. I never let pessimism get better off me.

All of us are endowed with a vast well of wisdom. This source is embedded within the depths of our souls that connect to infinite intelligence and the capacity to heal all our wounds. This source always sends us messages but to listen to these messages we need to slow down, quiet our minds, and reach within. Once we attain the stillness of our physical being we can hear the soft ripples of our inner voice. We need to recognize these ripples and fine tune our minds to hear the inner voice clearly. Once, the connection is made there is no way to stop our inner voice from talking to us and guiding us. Whenever I tried to connect to my inner voice, it always said, “Let’s dedicate the next year to a year of happiness.” During that time I did not know what it meant nor did I have the faintest idea how this dedication would happen but I TRUSTED IT.  I smiled back to it and said, “Let’s do that! That’s a great idea.”

I promised to myself that this year come what may I would dedicate myself to HAPPINESS. I shall focus on only good things in my life---the best of them being my family. I will spend quality time with people who love and respect me for who I am. I will cut out all sorts of negativity from my life, be it in the form of things, people, news, or just clutter. I will create healthy habits, work on projects which are humane, and dream about creating a VIRTUOUS FUTURE for my family.

The deaths which occurred in my family last year taught me that LIFE IS SHORT. There is no point brooding over the past or spending time criticizing/gossiping about people who will in no way help me in creating the kind of future I see for myself. The only valuable and powerful possession we have with us is the present. The present gives us two choices ---- Create painful memories from the past or spend the time in visualizing and creating a beautiful tomorrow. The second option is definitely a winner.

The PRESENT is the only non-renewable resource in my life. I have come a long way since I was born. Till last year I was an adult who was struggling to make things perfect but after I promised myself “happiness” this year I suddenly feel like a kid again who is hiding in the cloak of a grown-up. I have rediscovered the little child in me who is curious, honest, and completely in love with life.

The Mission Bee-Hive

Nature always beckons me with its immense bounties. I have always been fascinated by the diversity of our planet in terms of both flora and fauna but little did I know that insects were soon developing an affinity for me. Some stray mosquitoes and flies have been my unwelcome guests at times but honey bees had definitely stayed away from me so far.

A couple of days back, I found a swarm of bees in one of my balconies. I rushed back in, closed the glass door, and silently watched the bees at work. To my utter surprise within minutes a hive almost a foot long was ready. I panicked and started thinking hard about ways of getting rid of them. I ran to my laptop, which is what I often do to look for solutions for problems I fail to tackle. I browsed several ‘do-it-yourself’ websites. The methods were elaborate and needed some experience and loads of courage which I lacked at that moment. I had heard stories about getting stung by bees, the intense pain, and allergy caused by them. The thought petrified me.

Then, I decided about hiring some professional help to get rid of the hive but was again disappointed because our locality does not offer any such services. It left me perplexed. While retiring to bed I made sure that the doors and windows were locked properly.

The following morning I was greeted by a looming hive and I jerked out of my sleepiness instantly. I was alarmed to see some of them inside the house as well. It was then I thought that I have to do something about them. In a fit of panic, I grabbed an insecticide bottle and sprayed it on the stray bees. The bees collapsed in couple of moments. The spray had worked!

 I just imagined what my dad would have done under the situation and decided to take the plunge. I found an old army raincoat which had not been used for some years in one of the suitcases. I took it out, dusted it, and kept it aside. Next, I took two monkey caps of thick wool which were enough to cover my entire face except my eyes. I wore shoes and was soon ready in my ‘shining armor’.  I grabbed the bottles of the spray and went to the balcony. I closed the glass doors behind me. My hands shook, heart palpitated as I looked up at the hive with the nozzle pointed towards it. I said a silent prayer which I always do when I am stuck in a deplorable situation. I said to the count of three the spray should be on the hive.

I said, “I am sorry bees but you have to go!” and pressed on the nozzle hard. I could see the bees flying all over the place. I began dodging them without losing my hold on the nozzle. The ones who came closer to me were the first to go. I was revolving at top speed. At that moment, I just started feeling that I was in a war fighting my opponents and the bottle in my hand was the machine gun. The battle between me and the bees was on for a good fifteen minutes. I emptied the bottles and rushed in for another one. Now, I had to be more focused and could not afford to miss any of my targets.

For the next round, I was more confident as I had the experience of fifteen minutes, two emptied bottles of pesticide, and large number of my dead preys showing that I was well on my way of being victorious. This time, I stood on a raised platform and started spraying. Within minutes the bees were gone and a lonely hive was hanging. I had won the battle!

The sight of the ‘lonely hive’ with the dead bees lying on the floor suddenly made me feel guilty. I felt a pang of guilt in my heart. There was complete silence in the balcony. An hour back the same place was full of activity and now the hive stood like an old wax hill hanging from the ceiling. I was already regretting and asked the bees to forgive me for my callousness. I had gone against nature. Today, one queen of the house had defeated another, the ‘the queen-bee.’

I removed the hive with a heavy heart. I had killed the homemakers along with their queen. I do not know what I did was wrong or right. It’s for you to decide my friends.

                                                                              

Hindu Wedding: The significance of the “Saat Pheres”

I have been to several weddings but never realized the importance or significance of these rituals. I used to just attend the ceremony, enjoy, and come home. My niece and I attended a wedding last week. She asked me questions related to the wedding rituals and to my dismay I was as ignorant about them as she was. I then realized that there may be many more like me who just blindly follow the traditions and customs without understanding their meaning or significance. Through this blog I want to share what I learnt about the most important ritual of the Hindu wedding, the “Saat Pheres or the Seven Rounds” taken by the couple during the wedding.

The Hindu weddings are mesmerizing. The wedding rituals find their roots in the Rig-Veda.  According to the Rig-Veda the life of a man is divided into four stages or “ashrams” that are : brahmacharaya, grihastya, vanaprastha, and sanyasa.  When an individual enters the second stage ‘grihastya’ he/she is supposed to get married and lead a family life. The Hindu wedding comprises mostly of Sanskrit Shlokas and innumerable rituals.  The wedding begins with the invocation of the ‘fire god” or “Agni.”

The integral part of the wedding is going around the ‘Sacred Fire’ seven times. The “Saptapadi” is one of the most important rituals without which the wedding is considered to be redundant. The couple encircles the “Sacred Fire” seven times with the bride leading in six of them. The “Seven Pheres” or the circles made by the couple are seven vows taken with the ‘Holy Fire’ as the witness. Fire is considered to be holy and pure because apart from spreading warmth and light, it is also capable of burning down the evil. The couples take a vow, “like this burning fire we would keep our relationship bright, warm, alive, and pure. The seven vows taken by the bride and the bridegroom are as follows:

1.      With the first step, the couple prays to the Gods to give them the mental, physical and spiritual strength to lead a healthy life. "Let us be happy and enjoy life. Let us walk together so we grow together in strength.”

2.      With the second step, the bride and groom invoke the gods for attainment of happiness and harmony by mutual love and trust in all walks of life. "Let us not forget parents and elders. Let us walk together so we get happiness by sharing our joys and sorrows.

3.      With the third step, the couple invokes the gods for plenty of pure and nourishing food. "With God as our guide, let us take the third step to live with honor and respect. Let us walk together so we get good food in plenty.

4.      The fourth step is for preserving wealth and prosperity in life. The chant at this stage means, "let us share joys and pains together. Let us walk together so we get wealth.”

5.      During the fifth round they pray for the welfare of all living beings in the Universe and pray for virtuous, noble and heroic children." Let us observe all acts of charity. Let us walk together so we have family.”

6.      While taking the sixth step they ask the gods to give them a long, joyous life and togetherness forever. "Let us live a long and peaceful life. Let us walk together so we have joy.”

7.      With the seventh, and last, step, the couple prays for understanding, companionship, loyalty and unity. "Let us be friends with love and sacrifice. Let us walk together so we have friendship.”

After the seventh step has been taken, the groom says to the bride, “We have taken the Seven Steps. You have become mine forever. Yes, we have become partners. I have become yours. Hereafter, I cannot live without you. Do not live without me. Let us share the joys. We are word and meaning, united. You are thought and I am sound. May the night be honey-sweet for us. May the morning be honey-sweet for us. May the earth be honey-sweet for us. May the heavens be honey-sweet for us. As the heavens are stable, as the earth is stable, as the mountains are stable, as the whole universe is stable, so may our union be permanently settled.”

With completion of the “Saptapadi” or the “Seven Pheres” the two are pronounced husband and wife.